The Tale of Vices & Virtues
by TragedyBoner
Summary: The seven deadly sins and seven heavenly virtues explored by the characters of South Park, mainly Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny. Will be multi-chaptered. Kyle/Stan, Kenny/Butters, Cartman/Wendy, plus more.
1. Lust & Humility

tittle: the tale of vices and virtues (1/7)

chapter tittle: Lust & Humility

fandom: south park

pairing(s): stan/kyle, kenny/butters, cartman/wendy, stan/wendy, kenny/ike

rating: m (for mostly language)

summary: the seven deadly sins and seven heavenly virtues explored by the characters of south park, mainly stan, kyle, cartman, and kenny.

chapter summary: Stan's reinstated relationship with Wendy sets Kyle's heart aflame and puts Kenny's relationship with Butters in perspective.

- - -

"What are you looking at?"

Kenny stared pensively at Butters and his mussed hair, pale skin, and baby features. With one hand holding a pencil delicately, Butters lets one end of it drop back onto his notebook, looking at Kenny in confusion, lips pursed. His blonde hair is falling over one eye, the one that reads utter bewilderment.

"Huh?" Kenny asks, blinking.

"Y-you were just staring at me."

Kenny frowned. Had he really been that obvious? "No, I wasn't," he replied and cocked one eyebrow. Butters looks down, blushing. And wasn't that adorable?

"A-are you sure, Kenny?" Butters is slouching in his seat in the library, sitting on his legs like girls do. On any other guy it would look totally gay. On Butters... it _didn't_.

"Nope. Just thinking."

"Oh. Okay." He looks back to his notebook, biting his lip. Kenny rolls his eyes.

When did he start lusting after Butters of all people? Someone like Kenny (cheap, easy, and broke) should be going after someone just as skanky and unintelligent as himself. Like... Bebe who was vain and kind of rude, but had a killer rack. Hm, at least he still viewed girls as hot. That was something, wasn't it?

But Butters was different. He had always been their group's short, clingy, easy-going friend. He'd always been a sidekick of sorts to the boys, more on the outside looking in than actually part of their group. But now he was self-sufficient and much taller. Not as tall as Kenny after his last and final growth spurt but almost sort of close. Butters was also a lot better looking now. Not that he hadn't been good-looking then but now he was a medium-height blond shy eleventh grader with amazing eyes.

Huh. Amazing eyes. Maybe he wasn't so straight after all.

And he also had this uncany ability to make anything he said seem sexual. No, really. It was just plain weird. Not that Kenny didn't enjoy it but it was sort of disconcerting to have the hots for one's friend of approximately eight years. Plus, he had this sort of innocence, this pureness going for him. He was just so... young and naive. But in the hot I-have-so-much-to-teach-you way, not the I'm-such-a-stupid-slut-who-really-digs-not-wearing-a-bra sort of way.

But it was so complicated to have these feelings for Butters. It was like waking up one day and instead of finding stupid, slutty girls attractive, he was now attracted to hard-working schoolboys with messy blonde hair.

Like he said, disconcerting.

Then there was a rush of noise coming from the library's entrance. Kenny looked up and grinned, waving his friends over. There was Stan, the black-haired raven with his arm around Kyle, the Jewish firecracker who was currently glaring at Cartman, the slightly overweight hockey player who was arguing right back, pointing his finger childishly.

So, basically, everything was normal.

"Hey, faggots," Cartman called out to Kenny and Butters. Cartman had always been bad with labels, using them in both inappropriate times and unfitting ways. Well, except for now when Kenny actually was suspecting himself to maybe slightly be-

"Hi, Eric," Butters says, barely looking up from his notes, nose buried in history homework. Cartman ignores him in favor of purposefully going the long way around their table to punch Kyle's arm on the way over.

"Cartman, you asshole! Watch where you're going!" Kyle rubs his arm disdainfully and glares at Cartman, the fatass that he was. Stan leads Kyle to the opposite side of the table by his elbow, setting his bag down and patting the arm of his chair for Kyle to lounge on. Cartman snorts.

"You guys are such fags," he concludes merrily.

"Shut up, fatass!" Stan barks. "And stop hitting Kyle!"

Cartman shrugs and sets his dirty-sneakered feet onto the corner of the table Kenny's working-well, pretending to be working- at. Kenny immediately shoves Cartman's feet off and looks back to his blank notebook paper.

"What are you guys doing tonight?" Kenny asks, fiddiling with his pencil, end broken off. He's asking Stan and Kyle but it's Cartman who answers.

"I'm going on a date with Trish Richards, the cheerleader," he says with triumph. Kyle laughs, leaning on Stan's armrest. They all know how absolutely vapid and annoying Trish is.

"At least I'm dating someone, ass-muncher."

"Leave it alone, Cartman," Stan says, defending Kyle more. Kenny swears, it's no wonder why Cartman constantly accouses them of being gay. If Stan just once let Kyle punch Cartman and let it all out like he used to he wouldn't have to fight his battles for him. But Stan never does anymore.

"And what are you doing, Stan?" Kenny intercedes.

Stan turns to Kenny, arm brushing against Kyle's. "Kyle and I are going to the movies. You wanna come?"

Kenny grins. "Oh, I always come. Unfortunately, I think I'll pass just this once. I've had enough action for this week."

"Nice, Kenny."

"Unless of course someones coming with you. Stan?" Kenny loves prying into other people's love lives. Unlike Cartman, who just wants to screw with people's minds, Kenny is genuinely curious.

Stan blushes. "No, just me and Kyle."

"Kyle and I," Kyle corrects passively, pulling a rather large looking novel out of his backpack. Stan just rolls his eyes.

"Gay," Cartman comments.

Kyle glares, starting to stand. Stan seems to pick up on this beforehand and tugs him back so Stan's hand stays loosely on Kyle's shoulder, holding him back and, in his mind, probably looking inconspicuous.

Right.

Kenny taps his shoe to Butters' under the table. Butters glances up, startled from being inturrupted. "What are you doing later?"

"N-nothing. Why?" Aw, he looks so innocent again. And slightly confused.

"So we can hang. Wanna do something later?" At this, Cartman turns and looks at Kenny strangely. It's a look that's mirroring Butters' confusion.

"Like what?"

Kenny shurgs. "I don't know. Do your parents pick you up after school?"

"N-no. I take the school bus."

"I could drive you home," Kenny offers. Cartman looks on in horror, mouth wide open.

Butters' eyes widen significantly and it takes him a minute to speak. "Sh-sure, Kenny."

Even Cartman's too surprised to comment.

Everything goes back to normal for a minute (as normal as it can get for four teenagers in South Park) with Kyle reading his book as he lounges on Stan's armrest, Stan copying something down on a sheet of paper (presumably Kyle's correct homework answers from any given class), Butters studying last minute for history, Cartman staring on in unnoticed shock still, and Kenny pretending to work so he wouldn't get thrown out of the library for intentionally "using the privleges of the library to 'hang out' with one's classmates."

"Stan, can I maybe speak to you alone for a minute?" It's a quiet voice and at first, Kenny thinks it must be Kyle but it's too feminine. He glances up and sees none other then Wendy Testaburger standing to the side of Kyle, looking through him to talk to Stan who looks completely mystified. As he stands to go follow her to a quiet spot, Cartman calls out quietly "whore" in a voice so low and rotten it's almost undetectable. Almost.

"What was that, fatass?" Wendy asks, whipping around and sneering at him. Cartman doesn't even look surprised, just sorrowful, with sad eyes and an unmoving hard line to his mouth.

"Nothing, Wendy. I was just telling Butters here about my afternoon chores."

Silence. Wendy narrows her eyes and stalks away, with Stan trailing behind her, giving Kyle a strange look as he leaves. It's not quite as obvious to everyone as it is to Kenny, but for some time, maybe ever since they were just kids, he's always thought that Stan and Kyle could read each other's minds. He knew it sounded stupid, even in his head, but the way they looked at each other, like they were in perfect harmony, it wasn't difficult to see where he could have gotten the idea from.

As soon as they're out of earshot, Cartman snorts again. "I'm surprised that Stan's even going to talk to that whore after she dumped him for Token awhile back."

"It was the fourth grade, dipshit," Kyle swears, slipping into Stan's empty space on the chair, and though to Cartman and Butters it probably seems like he's just switching seats to get more comfortable, Kenny gets a nagging suspicion that he's only keeping the seat warm, like he's saving it, ready to move back again when Stan gets back.

"Whatever." Cartman shrugs. "It doesn't really matter when it happened. She's still a total whore. I would think you of all people, Kahl, would agree."

Kyle's eyebrows crinkle in confusion and Kenny immeditely senses danger, knowing what's coming before the words come out of Cartman's lips. "What are you talking about, Cartman?"

"Wendy stole Stan from you, didn't she? Pulled him right into her hippie-hands and out of your Jew ones. She made him so depressed he went goth, don't you remember?"

Kyle shifted in discomfort. "I remember. But that doesn't mean it's going to happen again. How do you even know she wants to get back together with him?" Kyle, as far as Kenny could tell, was purposefully choosing to ignore the former statement.

Cartman's looking at something in the distance when he speaks. "I just do, Kahl. What else could she possibly want?"

Kyle looks almost frightened as he ponders this. Kenny, feeling sorry and a little scared for him, reaches over from where he sits and pats Kyle's shoulder lightly. Kyle barely acknowledges it, too caught up in something Kenny hopes to never have to think about.

"Jesus, is everybody but me turning into a fag?" Cartman asks mostly to himself. He turns to Butters, looking hopeful. "You still like chicks, right Butters? It isn't too late for you yet, is it?"

Butters blushes. "Wuh-well, sure, Eric. I like girls just fine." But it doesn't sound very reassuring. Kenny grins in some kind of triumph he doesn't quite understand. It's not like he's the reason Butters sounds so unsure, right?

"Good," Cartman announces. "Maybe we can get you a girlfriend, Butters. Before Kenny gets you thinking it's alright to be like Kahl and his ex-boyfriend."

Kyle looks up feircely, challenging Cartman with his eyes. "I've never had a boyfriend, fatass."

"Then what did you call Stan? Your fuck buddy? Or a friend with benefits?"

Now that Stan isn't there to stop Kyle, he looks like he's about to jump at the chance.

Kenny frowns and leans forward to both distract Kyle and to playfully clasp his hands over Butters' ears. "Be very careful of tainting this young boy's poor soul. He shant be hearing of such cuss words at such a young age, now, you hear?" He calls in the general direction of Cartman, shooting Butters a wild grin. Butters only grins and blushes more.

Kyle snorts, briefly forgetting about Cartman's latest non-tolerant slurs about homosexuality. "Please, Kenny. Butters was swearing with the rest of us in the sixth grade, if not the fourth." He snaps his book shut, slinging his feet over the armrest he had once occupied.

"Th-that's true, Kenny. You shouldn't be worried about me."

Sometimes Butters was too adorable for his own good, Kenny thought, smiling. "I know, Butters. But still, I'm a bad influence on you."

Butters shakes his head. "No you're not, Kenny. You have the purest heart I know." And it's so corny and so romantic at the same time that Kenny can't possibly imagine what Butters is thinking. He has to wonder where Butters could have possibly gotten that idea from.

Kyle ignores all of this, seeming to be very interested in the rip in his sweatshirt cuff. Cartman snorts once more, though makes no comment. If Cartman could ever be accused of "going soft" l with his insults on anyone lately it would be Butters. Though he was an easy target for the group, Kenny had recently become very protective of him. And no one, not even Cartman, wanted to piss off a poor, stressed out, lonely, slutty teenage boy who wasn't getting any.

Then Stan comes back, thankfully alone as to not upset either Cartman, or worse, Kyle. He seems happier then when he left and Kenny tenses, already knowing without confirmation what happened between him and Wendy.

Stan sits and leans back into the armrest that Kyle's feet remain on, looking both unbothered by the lack of space and happier still due to something Kenny hopes no one asks him about.

"So, what'd the whore want?" Cartman asks right away.

So much for his hopes, Kenny thinks, and catches Kyle's feigned disinterest, studying the knots in his sweatshirt's strings thoughtfully.

Stan glares. "You really shouldn't call her that, Cartman."

And it's all over. There's Cartman snapping off in swears and insults already and there's Kyle's heavy sigh of annoyance or depression, there's Butters' sullen expression, and Kenny's original worry.

It's all so obvious because if Stan hadn't been with Wendy again, if they'd still been on strict no-speaking terms, he'd have not only put up with Cartman's insults but probably joined right in. He only protected her when he was with her.

"If you boys can't be quiet this instant-" The librarian choked off. She folded her stiff, thin arms under her armpits and her glasses moved down her nose by themselves, scaring all of the boys as she had showed up as if out of thin air when they'd really all been too busy yelling or suffering to notice her arrival. "I will write you up for using the privleges of the library to hang out with your classmates, don't think I won't!" She continues in a whispering-yelling kind of voice to make a point and walks off scowling.

Cartman sighs in defeat, something he absolutely despises doing. Kyle doesn't look Stan in the eye. Butters is apparently trying to study again. Kenny looks down at his lap awkwardly.

Stan clears his throat. And despite Kyle's obvious disappoitment, when he says very clearly and very quietly, "Kyle, could you come with me to my locker to get my things for next period?" Kyle follows, as if he has no other choice. Kenny can practically feel the resentment coming off Cartman as they leave. Normally Kenny would have told him off for not being supportive of Stan but he felt just as upset and disappointed as he thought Kyle did.

Things, it seemed, wouldn't be the same again. If anyone, if any one person could shake up the ongoing relationship of five teenage boys, perfectly happy with their social displacement, it was Wendy Testaburger.

- - -

Kyle dejectedly followed Stan out of the library, expecting to hear Cartman's resounding shouts of "good riddance, you stupid Jew!" or at least a goodbye from Kenny, and getting neither.

Sometimes, Kyle would swear, he had no idea why he always did what Stan wanted him to. He always figured it was because, ninety percent of the time, what Stan wanted and what Kyle wanted were the same thing and the other ten percent that could be different was because either Kyle or Stan wanted to make the other happy and didn't mind putting up with their needs first.

After all, that was how they'd always been, Kyle setting his needs after his Super Best Friend's and vice versa, giving easily into his wants rather than his own needs. Stan always made sure whatever Kyle ate was sugar-free and kosher, and most of those times, he ate the same without the slightest complaint just as when Stan was in one of those sulky, depressed moods, Kyle would comfort him.

But now Stan was going out with the same girl he'd had a terrible on and off again relationship with for years, all through elementary school. Kyle had put up with his bullshit then because he hadn't known what Wendy would do the first time. But now, he realized, he did know. He knew exactly how things would end. Stan would get his heart broken because Wendy, somewhere down the line, would decide that she didn't want him anymore and it would be up to Kyle, yet again, to pick up the peices. The small, tortured, sometimes gothic-turned peices. And Stan had to know what was going to happen, right? But he still put up with it. Why, exactly? Because he knew he'd always have Kyle to put him back together again?

Some Super Best Friend, Kyle thought miserably.

"Listen, Ky," Stan said, suddenly whirling around and pulling Kyle down in one swift motion, plopping him down next to himself on the ground of the hallway. "I know you're not exactly happy for me right now, but I do really care about her and I know she cares about me."

_For now_, Kyle thought.

Stan sighed, seeming to read Kyle's mind. Now that Kyle thought about it, they always had sort of been able to do that. "I know what you're thinking, Kyle, but this time is different. I can tell she's sincere."

Kyle nodded dumbly, feeling idiotic for going along wirh Stan's pitiful charade. _Whatever helps you sleep at night, Stan_, he thought.

Stan pats Kyle's shoulder, standing up. He leant on his own locker, looking bright once again, despite his best friend's obvious disappointment. "This isn't going to change anything, Ky. I promise. Video games on Wednesday at your place, right?" He held out his hand for Kyle to take. Kyle internally groaned.

Taking Stan's hand in chagrin, Kyle stands, feeling pity for himself. Why couldn't he be enough for Stan anymore? "Yeah. Wednesday. Sure."

"Great," Stan replied, beaming. "I'm meeting Wendy after school. Don't wait up, alright?"

Another dumb nod.

Stan left then, took off with a new bounce to him, books in hand and bag over his shoulder and he still stood upright with a healthy glow to him. Kyle stood there until the first warning bell rang, sending him walking in a slow-motion stupor to his next class. Dragging himself to one of his only classes that Stan wasn't in, AP Chem, he lugged his books to his desk in the front of the room besides Jimmy, who looked equally glum.

For once, Kyle was glad that not everyone was happy today. Selfishly, it made him feel less pathetic somehow. But, considering how he couldn't even keep his own best friend happy, he thought maybe he was so beneath Stan that he might never get him back fully, especially after Wendy was done with him.

What was so bad about himself, he didn't know, but he knew it was something.

Some might call him humble. Kyle knew better. He was simply self-pitying.


	2. Envy & Temperence

tittle: the tale of vices and virtues (2/7)

chapter tittle: Envy & Temperence

fandom: south park

pairing(s): stan/kyle, kenny/butters, cartman/wendy, stan/wendy, kenny/ike

rating: pg-13 (for now)

disclaimer: I do not own South Park, I promise. If I did, it surely wouldn't be Cartman who was getting blow jobs from Butters.

summary: the seven deadly sins and seven heavenly virtues explored by the characters of south park, mainly stan, kyle, cartman, and kenny.

chapter summary: Just as Stan and Wendy's relationship starts back up, Cartman decides to make a move. At the same time, one of the South Parkians is becoming quite jealous of Kenny.

- - -

Wendy Testaburger glared into the distance, smelling something putrid. What was that smell, anyways? It was disgusting, like spolied cheese....

Cartman. And the smell? That was Cheesy Poofs. Although Cartman had stopped eating those years ago, she was sure she'd always associate him with that smell, the awful putrid smell of rotted cheese products. She shuddered.

Well, there didn't seem to be anyone near her. Which brought her back to her more pressing issue.

Where the hell was Stan? He was suposed to be here ten minutes ago.

Still glaring off into the general direction of the entrance, where Stan was bound to come into sometimes soon and see Wendy's furious expression, Wendy let her thoughts drift off again, like they had been the last couple of days.

Stan Marsh. She'd been thinking about him straight for a few days - weeks, really - now. Ever since the day she'd left Stan for Token of all people, she'd regreted it. Not that any of that mattered anymore since she had Stan Marsh once again. Yes, Stan also wasn't exactly a scholar but he wasn't a boring like Token was or a slacker-whore like Kenny was, who'd been coming onto her since before she'd dated Stan the first time, or an arrogant asswipe like Cartman was and would most likely always be. He was, however, a very pretty black-haired boy with a great heart, fair grades, and for the most part, nice friends. Well, you know, besides Kenny - it wasn't that he was mean exactly, just came on too strong - and Cartman, of course.

Eric Cartman. Cartman was rude, selfish, and violent, not to mention cruel to his own friends. She might understand, even tolerate his behavior toward her if he was actually loyal and caring to Stan and all of their friends - Kyle, Kenny, and Butters - but he usually wasn't, at least not from what she'd observed. Cartman was vile to Kyle in particular who Wendy knew was a good person. Stan loved Kyle, she would even go so far as to say Stan worshipped him, and Stan was a good judge of character so obviously the problem here wasn't Kyle. Cartman was also often terrible to Kenny, who Wendy had assumed was his best friend. Although lately, she had to say, it looked as though Kenny and Butters were awfully close nowadays.

But, back to the point. Stan was late. And they'd only just gotten back together, after all these years! She was beggining to wonder if it was a good idea at all to restart their relationship when-

"Wendy! Wendy, I am so sorry. Really, I had no idea I was late! I was just in the locker room showering when I noticed that it was really quiet and then I realized that everyone else had already left and-" By this point Wendy wasn't really listening anymore. Stan was standing in front of her, gripping the seat of a chair and going on and on about why he was late and how sorry he was, but it was his wet bangs that fell into his eyes that made her forgive him.

"Ssh, Stan. It's alright, really," Wendy said.

Stan's face instantly softened. "Really?"

"Completely," She promised.

"Oh, that's too bad. I was going to make it up to you. But now...." Stan looked almost... sexy, standing there still wet and teasing her. She grinned and leaned up to him, touching his collar.

"How were you going to do that?"

Stan smiled, going for the kill. He leaned into her, feeling her waist, right in the middle of the library. If it were anyone else she wouldn't have let him but it wasn't just anybody. It was Stan Marsh. She brought her hand up to his head to feel the wetness there. Just as they were getting closer, Stan leaning into her fully-

"Oh, hey, Stan. Didn't expect to see you here." Before Wendy even looked, she knew. She smelled him. She smelled-

Cheesy Poofs. In his hand, bag ripped open sloppily, already half eaten. Eating in the library, what a glutton.

Wendy glared. "Cartman, no offense, but you're sort of inturrupting-"

Stan looked at her guiltily. "Actually, there's something else I have to apologize for."

"What's that?" She asked.

"Well," he confessed rawly. "I have to make up this Spanish test I bombed the other week and I, uh... said I'd do it during my free period about a week or two ago. I'm sorry, Wendy, really, but that was before I knew that we would-" He was doing that thing again, when he never stopped talking. Wendy sighed and cut him off.

"It's alright, Stan. Really. Just... meet me in the parking lot, alright? After school?" She suppressed another heavy sigh. She wasn't angry with him, just disappointed.

"Sure. I'll see you then." And as quickly as he'd come, he was gone. Trying to put all of her focus on studying something she already had down, she managed to ignore Cartman for a solid minute. Noticing that he hadn't yet left, Wendy looked up, surprised.

She raised a brow at him. He was simply staring at her, holding his bag of Cheesy Poofs, looking lonely. And even though she'd known him for years, she wasn't sure if he was honestly depressed or if he was faking. He always had been an excellent actor. Trying to be civil, she motioned for him to sit down.

_Keep your temperence_, she told herself.

- - -

Kenny scanned the parking lot and the basketball court behind the school. Nope. Not a soul. He fumbled inside his "borrowed" leather jacket (he knew it was as cliche as hell but he looked 'damn good' in it as Bebe had so fondly pointed out) to find his cigarettes. Pulling one out of the carton and raising it to his lips while calmy studying the flicker of fire from his lighter, he leaned against the wall of the school, feeling his unwashed hair fall into his eyes as he positioned his face downward.

There was no one out here, like normal. Most of the people at their hell hole of a school were smart enough not to ever skip class, for they all had enough money and skill to attend a college far, far away. Kenny, on the other hand, had no money, little skills, and basically no desire to go anywhere anyways. Yes, he disliked South Park. More then that, really. It wasn't only his money problems that scared him out of trying hard enough in school to get out of this fucked up place, it was more the idea that he'd be doing it alone.

And Kenny, as brave and used to death as he was, was in no mood, nor would ever be in a mood to run off to some over populated city and be forgotten by all of his friends. All he could ask for was to die middle-aged with hopefully no children to leave behind helpless and broke. _A permanent death, please_, he thought. And besides, there was a high risk of the possibility of leaving town young, dying somewhere else, and never coming back. Who knows why he kept coming back, anyways? What if the only reason he was able to come back was in a place like South Park with all of it's daily acts of violence, sex, crime, hypocrisy, and attempted genocide, where basially anything was possible?

It was possible, right? Kenny snorted. If Jesus could mystically appear in South Park, then it was possible that Kenny could only come back from death in South Park.

"Kenny, those are awfully bad for your health, you know."

Kenny turned his head slowly, relaxed from lighting up already. He grinned at Butters and spoke through exhales of smoke. "I die at least five times a year, Butters. Sometimes more."

"Still? Last year I ah-only remember that one time with the tree and the cat... and the time where your sister's stolen-"

Kenny shook his head. "And the time I was chased down by that angry mob of Cartman's because they'd never seen him in person and he told them I was him, and that time with Stan's dog plus the neighborhood dogs and that one time-" Kenny went on. He would have laughed if he still didn't remember how much getting torn apart by dogs hurt. Those rabies, man, they'll really get to a guy.

"Stop! Stop! I remember now, thank you!" Butters was looking appalled. His face was getting a little green. Kenny laughed, reaching out to him to wrap a friendly arm around Butters' shoulder.

Butters dejectedly eyed the cigarette in Kenny's hand, perched between two fingers. Kenny rolled his eyes, dropped it, and let it fall onto the grass below, covered in weeds.

Just as he reached back over to Butters, who now let him come within touching range, he felt himself heating up. And, huh, this time it wasn't because Butters was looking so damn adorable with his frozen pink cheeks and messy blonde hair. He didn't worry about it for a moment, it wasn't important when Butters was letting Kenny touch him like this.

"Kenny, you're on f-fire!" Butters shouted loudly, gasping at Kenny's pants which were in flames up to his shin.

"Shit! Shit!" Kenny waved his leg around in the air, feeling and looking idiotic. Why hadn't he payed attention during that day in elementary school when those fire fighters had lectured them all on fire safety?

"Damn it! Damn it!"

Suddenly Butters was pouring water straight from a bottle onto Kenny's leg, still raised in the air like he was a territorial dog taking a piss. The fire died down until Kenny's pants were only warm from the smoke coming off his now burned brown pants. He sighed. Another near death experience.

"Thanks for that, Butters. I really didn't feeling like dying today. Though I do have a math quiz that I'd like to skip out on...." If he wanted to, Kenny could actually take the rest of the day off. By now, all of the teachers that bothered to remember Kenny's name knew he still died at least a couple times a year, if not once a month. He could have taken that for advantage of. He pondered this over while Butters bent over to stow his empty bottle. He gulped, trying to ignore his friend's rear end.

"No problem, Kenny. I always keep a bottle of clean water with me," Butters said, frowning.

"What's the matter?"

"N-nothing, just... I really wouldn't mind skipping out either." Butters was still frowning, but also biting his lip in a way that made Kenny momentarily confused by Butters' words.

"Huh?" He finally asked when Butters' teeth had let go of his lower lip.

He shuffled from one foot to the other. "You know, I've never skipped school before but I don't have much going on today and the teachers - I hear they always forget to tell parents when kids leave a-and-"

"Butters Scotch, are you asking me to skip with you?" Kenny raised a brow and smirked. He was such a bad influence on this kid.

"Wuh-well... yes."

Laughing at Butters' honesty, Kenny motioned for him to come closer. Taking a hold of this arm, Kenny led him off past the basketball feild and to parking lot, thinking things over. Since when did Butters actually break rules?

It was refreshing.

- - -

Ike Broflovski was sitting in his chair in the kitchen of his house, pushing his tounge around his mouth idly. He was home alone for once, the first time in months, thanks to his mid-afternoon orthodontist appointment and his mother's busy schedule. While he got used to the new adjustments, some extra elastics in his braces, he poured himself some cereal from a box with a picture of Terrence and Phillip on it, retrieving a milk carton from the fridge.

Pulling a spoon from a draw, he yawned. So this was his supposedly exciting day off from school. He almost wished he was at school cafeteria right then, sitting at his regular lunch table with Filmore and the guys.

Right as he took the first bite, settiling back into his seat, there was a knock at the door. No, not a knock exactly. More like thumping coming from outside the front door. Figuring it was the mailman or something, he raced to get the door. Maybe the newest editon of his favorite comic had been mailed a little early. Excited by the prospect, he swung open the door, smiling.

And then promptly frowned.

It wasn't the mailman, it was Kenny and Butters, standing side by side, huddled up in each other's space for warmth. Or something. Ike glared.

"What do you want?"

They hadn't yet noticed him, consumed in their own mad search for-

"Got them!" Kenny said triumphantly to Butters, who's arm was still linked in Kenny's. Ike felt a sharp pain that he didn't understand go through him.

With a flicker of anger, Ike noticed what Kenny clutched in his pale fingers: a set of keys to Ike's house. The pair from under the mat. How the hell did he know where those were?

"Hey, asshats, what are you doing at my house with my extra set of keys?" Ike bursted out, holding the door open all the way, feeling the Colorado wind wip past him. When he did so he noticed Kenny's paint-splattered, broken-windowed car in their driveway.

They both looked up, startled. Kenny grimaced and quickly let the keys drop to his side. Ike snatched them from Kenny's hand, feeling a spark of some sort go through him as their fingers brushed. Writing it off as body heat, Ike stuffed the key back under the mat.

"Why are you here? It's only eleven in the afternoon and high school doesn't get out for over another two hours."

Butters looked down shyly and spoke through his scarf, tied tightly around his mouth, muffling his voice. "We skipped," he said proudly. From behind the scarf, Ike detected the same sound Kenny's voice used to make years ago when he used to wear that bright orange coat. Surprised that he remembered that, Ike was annoyed.

"So?" He asked snidely.

"So, we'd love to come in and maybe not freeze our asses off anymore, Ike." Kenny intruded, pushing past him eagerly to get into the house. Ike snorted.

"What makes you think I won't tell Butters' parents that he skipped with you?" Ike taunted, feeling good for being so rude. They were Kyle's friend, not _his_ after all, he was supposed to annoy the shit out of them.

"If you do I'll have Kyle pummel your skinny ass, Ike." Kenny was already lounging on the couch, reaching for the remote.

Although he knew Kyle wouldn't beat him up, Ike figured he could let them stay. What else did he have to do?

"Make yourselves at home."

An hour later, they were all on the couch with remote controls in their hands. They were playing on Kyle's Gamesphere and, of course, Ike was kicking ass. Butters couldn't keep up at all, he kept getting killed which must have been refreshing for Kenny. Luckily for Kenny, he'd been at the house enough times to know how to stay alive long enough to get somewhere in the game. With a whoop of pride, Kenny pressed a button and managed to kill Ike who had been minding his own bussiness on the other side of the land, collecting lost weapons.

"No!" Ike shouted, punching his own thigh with his fist. "Ow! Godammit!"

Kenny snorted and reached over, ruffling Ike's wavy brown hair. "Don't worry kid, someday you'll beat me... when I'm dead, that is."

"Well, in that case, I'll only have to wait a few days, won't I?"

Kenny's eyed widened. That little shit. "You little shit," he remarked. Ike grinned like Kyle did sometimes, full of pride for being purposefully rescourceful and rude. If Butters still hadn't been in the middle of them, Kenny probably would have elbowed the kid.

But Butters was in the middle of them and Kenny was just starting to notice it again as his leg brushed against Butters'. It was the one with the burn marks all over it. Butters wasn't looking at him, instead choosing to look at the controller in his hand which lay limp in his lap. Kenny, on purpose but not consciously, moved in even closer and touched his shoulder to Butters'. He felt Butters slouching closer to him before he saw it.

Meanwhile, Ike sat uncomfortably on the other side of them, trying not to pay attention to the random display of... _whatever_. He hated watching them do that. He didn't exactly know why, but he did. He hated Butters' innocence and how Kenny was taking advantage of that, how Butters was just letting them.

They probably weren't screwing but it made no real difference. As far as Ike was concerned, they would be.

Ike studied them together. Kenny's arm was now over Butters' shoulder on the back of the couch. He looked highly proud of himself, like he'd just finally put his arm around a girl in a movie theatre. Butters looked equally comfortable, though less obvious about it. He concentrated on something else entirely while Kenny was beginning to rub circles on Butters' shoulder closest to Ike.

Those bastards. Doing that in his house. Why was it that he'd let them in again?

Suddenly the front door burst open, bringing a gust of wind into the room. Ike glanced up, happy for something new to focus on. It was Kyle coming in the door, alone for once. He didn't notice them at first, tucking his keys into his jeans' pocket. Only when he turned around to hang up his jacket did he see them.

Them being Kenny, Butters, and Ike sitting side by side on the couch together with game controllers still in their laps and Ike with a sullen expression as Kenny barely controlled his urge to jump Butters.

Kyle stared. "No comment," he said finally, walking right up to his bedroom. Taking Kyle's example, Ike gladly followed him, leaving the happy couple behind.

With an ache in his heart, he realized that maybe his earlier twinges and sparks for Kenny hadn't just been jealousy for having a lover at all or feeling someone else's body heat. Maybe, Ike decided, he liked Kenny a little too much.


	3. Wrath & Patience

tittle: the tale of vices and virtues (3/7)

chapter tittle: Wrath & Patience

fandom: south park

pairing(s): stan/kyle, kenny/butters, cartman/wendy, stan/wendy, kenny/ike

rating: r

summary: the seven deadly sins and seven heavenly virtues explored by the characters of south park, mainly stan, kyle, cartman, and kenny.

chapter summary: With Wendy taking up all of Stan's time, Kyle becomes more and more angry, as does Kenny when he can't deal with his feelings for Butters.

---

"Hey! Hey, Kahl, you frickin' Jew! Wait up!"

Kyle managed to ignore Cartman enough for him to become angry and make several threats that even he couldn't pull off. Unlike usual, Kyle, feeling particularly down, didn't bother to provoke Cartman any further by insulting him.

"Why the hell are you running away, you pussy?" Cartman called out, breath going ragged.

Kyle finally slowed and stopped in the middle of the school parking lot, sighing. He really didn't need this today.

"What do you want, Cartman?" He asked without enthusiasm.

"Well, look at the fag that got up on the wrong side of his frilly pink bed this morning."

Kyle barely blinked. He realized now that he was thirsty. Maybe he should have brought a water bottle in today.

"Kahl? Huh, Kahl?" Cartman was staring at Kyle, moving his hand back and forth in front of his face, looking almost concerned. That is, until, Kyle spoke.

"Go away, fatass. I'm in no mood to listen to you rant," He said honestly. As he looked on at all the happy couples, noticing not only their annoying smiles but also their hand holding and affectionate... affection... was almost more heartbreaking then it was nauseating.

_Almost._

Suddenly Kyle felt a hand on his shoulder, a large, beefy one with dirty fingernails. If he weren't feeling so numb he might have retorted with something better then, "I told you, Cartman, she's not interested, so don't get your hopes up."

"Excuse me, Kahl, for being optimistic. I figured that you and I want the same thing, after all, and I do always have the best plans...."

"And what exactly do we both want? Besides being far, far away from each other?" Kyle asked, feeling snarky and pissed off. He felt like losing his temper this early in the morning wasn't good, even for him. They hadn't even yet entered the school for fuck's sake, but who was he kidding? It wasn't like he was known to be the most easy-going person.

"Easy, Kahl. We both want Stan and Wendy to not be together." Cartman pauses and then continues, resting a fat finger on his own chin, like he was pondering his next move when they both knew he'd probably had this plan for at least a night by now.

"And as you know, I've always been exceedingly good at making plans. Now I can give myself a new challenge, something almost impossible to do: get Wendy and Stan to break it off and get Wendy to screw me."

And as serious as he looks, Kyle can't help but laugh. He hasn't laughed this hard in over a week, not even for Stan. And now, because of Cartman, he practically bursts his stomach open, he's shaking so hard.

"That's a bit more then almost impossible, don't you think?" Kyle says between fits of laughter.

"Aye! You fucking no-good Jew! I knew you couldn't be trusted!" He continues to stare with a violent, hateful expression until Kyle feels comfortable enough to speak.

"Cartman... I never said I didn't like your plan." This causes the bastard's eyebrows to lift, getting hopeful, the sick bastard that he is. "But I could never do that to Stan. If he's going to get his heart broken again it's not going to be because his best friend and his... _person_ wanted some sort of tweaked out revenge, alright? Now if you would excuse me, I have to get to-"

Cartman grabs a hold of Kyle's arm, holding him back. "You don't have to go anywhere right now, Kahl. You have free first period again. Just like me."

Kyle winces. He hoped that Cartman might have forgotten about that.

"Thought I might forget, did you? Filthy Jew," He mutters. "So, you can either come with me and work out a plan to... rightfully have Stan do the breaking up, or you can go by yourself to hang out with Jimmy in the empty Chem lab and discuss the anatomy of a frickin' molecule or whatever else you nerds do," Cartman bargains.

Kyle shakes his head in pity. Did Cartman ever really think he would go for this plan?

"Look, Cartman, it's great that you've got yourself a crush on someone else's girlfriend but I'd really rather not get involved." Then he turned on his heels and, with great speed, raced away to indeed meet Jimmy in the empty Chem lab and discuss the anatomy of a molecule.

---

After the previous night at Kyle's with Butters, Kenny was feeling like crap. He was a terrible influence on Butters and he was probably freaking Butters out with his touchiness lately. True, Kenny had always been a very touchy person with virtually everyone, including Kyle and Stan, but this was different. He touched Stan and Kyle playfully and comfortingly, not sexually.

What if he was coming on too strong and Butters never wanted to speak to Kenny again? Or ever hang out with him again? It was going to make him go crazy.

And he wouldn't even see him until free last period tomorrow.

Kenny tried to further bottle his emotions as he spotted Stan and Kyle at their usual table, sitting close but not any closer than usual, side by side and practically sharing the same air. Kenny sighed. He really missed Butters. It was kind of pathetic.

"Hey, Kenny," Kyle called, beckoning him over. Like Kenny wasn't about to sit down across from them anyways? Stan waved happily, sucking down his one percent milk which matched Kyle's. Kenny rolled his eyes.

"Where's Butters?" Kyle asked, using his fingers as utensils.

Kenny shrugged, not wanting to elaborate. "In the library, I guess. Wouldn't know, really." He can tell that he's coming off as a asshole, but doesn't he get to act like one if he's in a very confusing, mentally tiring situation?

Stan and Kyle raise their eyebrows in unison, first at one another, then at Kenny.

_It's damn creepy how in sync they are sometimes_, he thinks.

"What did you do this time, Kenny?" Kyle says. Stan looks as condecending as Kyle does, taking Kenny's pissed off attitude as 'look what Kenny the fuck-up did now to hurt poor, innocent Butters.'

Kenny sighs and rubs his eyes with his knuckles, slouching into his sweatshirt. "Why is it always my fault?" He mumbles, mostly to himself.

"Because you're a selfish prick?"

Kenny doesn't even care which one of them said it. His ears were too deep in his old orange hood to hear them much anyways.

"He's not selfish, exactly. He's more like self interested but in denial about it...." Whichever one of those assholes who said it had kept talking, rambling on about something uninteresting and became drowned out by Kenny's favorite hair accessory. Kenny buries his face into his folded arms and tries to sleep.

He vaguely hears someone snort from behind him, but doesn't care enough to look up. Hmm. Maybe he is too self-interested.

"Talk about being in denial, you fags."

"Shut the fuck up, Cartman!"

"Get lost, fatass!"

Kenny still has no idea who's saying what besides the obvious. All he knows is that his hood is soft and his eyes are drooping and-

There's a heavy weight beside Kenny on the bench next to him and a slap to the back of his head. Kenny groans which comes out highly muffled. Cartman laughs devilishly.

"So poor you had to go back to wearing your fourth grade clothes again, Kenny?" Cartman taunts. Without glancing up, Kenny hits Cartman square in the balls from his spot on the bench, feeling too tired to smile at Cartman's stupidity. Why would one put their balls in such easy hitting range when they're about to insult someone who's already feeling very frustrated?

"Goddammit, Kenny! You poor piece of shit!" He wails and holds onto his knee, making Kyle laugh in satisfaction even though he hadn't done it. Stan rolled his eyes and nudged his three month old sneakers to Kenny's three year old ones from under the table. Kenny nudges back but doesn't look up.

As if he knew exactly what Stan had just done, Kyle says softly, "What's up, Kenny?"

"Besides the obvious?" Stan asks. "Why don't you just apologize to Butters for whatever you did?"

Kenny could kick him. His foot is right there and-

Stan kicks Kenny's foot from under the table. He feels it through the hole in his toe. As Kenny muffles his moans into his favorite hood, Stan just repeats, "Huh, Kenny? What's wrong?"

Kenny could kick him.

"You guys are all fags. I'm getting out of here before I catch whatevers been going around." Cartman ups and leaves, taking his fat ass with him, as Kyle so kindly points out with a "good riddance" in earshot for good measure.

"So, what's up? C'mon, Kenny, you can tell us. We're your best friends, remember?" Now it's Stan talking, Kenny's sure. He finally looks up, eyes adjusting to the bright lights over their table which, unlike the other tables in the room, actually aren't flickering.

Kenny sighs and removes his hood in exasperation.

"I'm a bad influence on him."

There's a long silence in which Stan looks confused and mildly hurt, like he thinks Kenny is lying. Kyle raises his eyebrows in a 'you're _not _serious' way that makes Kenny even more pissed off.

"Yes, I'm fucking serious."

Kyle snorts and takes a long sip from his milk carton. Stan smiles kindly.

"Didn't you already know that, Ken?"

"Yes, but now I'm starting to see how bad it really is. He skipped school to be with me yesterday!" Kenny raises his orange-clad arms in the air to make his point.

"Dude."

"You sound really gay, man."

"Oh, shut up. Like everyone in school doesn't totally think you two are screwing," Kenny points out.

Kyle's eyes narrow but Stan continues without hesitation.

"Maybe you just need to accept the fact that Butters is growing up-"

Kyle snorts and mumbles something that suspiciously sounds like "about time."

"-and whether it's because of you or not, he's going to become who he'll be for the rest of his life. Did you ever think that he'd start changing anyways, sooner or later? Maybe it's just fate, dude."

Stan is completely serious which doesn't help Kenny at all. Fate, really? In South Park, of all places? Stan seems to read his mind.

"Even in South Park, man. We do have things that happen that will _always_ happen, no matter how much you try to stop them. You know how many times we tried to stop you from dying? You would just die in some other way we hadn't been expecting."

He had a point, Kenny realized.

"Do you feel any better now?" Stan asks, looking to Kyle for help in case Kenny said no.

"Yeah, I think I do. I'll catch up to you guys later, alright?" Kenny gets up and leaves his hood down. On his way to his next class which he promptly decides to attend -for Butters if not for himself- he thinks that maybe Stan _is_ right. Maybe it's just fate.

God knows that it's not a coincidence.

---

Kenny McCormick was poor. Kenny McCormick was blond. Kenny McCormick had blue eyes. Ike tried to remember anything else distinguishing about his brother's older friend. He couldn't think of much.

He was sarcastic. He was really touchy. He liked to swear. He smoked, Ike thought.

And didn't Ike really pick them?

But Kenny was also pretty funny. And smart and dependent when it came to down it, at least that's what he'd heard. And supposedly, he was great in bed.

Wait. Where had that come from?

Ike was at an impasse with his own mind. Did he really like Kenny like that? Kenny was so dirty and grimy and... greasy. He worked with cars, getting mud and oil all over him, even under his clothes....

So, Ike had this problem. Whenever he had a new "crush" he tended to accidentally let it pretty much take over his life. He knew that he was smarter then everyone in his class and probably some of Kyle's classmates too. He wasn't trying to sound arrogant; it was the truth. But he was a tween with hormones and apparently, those sometimes won over. Without his own mind's consent.

Yeah, his mind was pretty much pissed off.

So when his brother and Stan and Kenny walked into the house, gathering in the kitchen, coincidentally where Ike currently sat, Ike made a noise he'd never made before. It was one that expressed both a mixture of depression and exasperation, but also need. It made him feel a sort of desperation that he'd never known before.

Kenny was leaning against the fridge, mind in the gutter as usual. He was clutching what looked to be a pack of cigarettes in one hand, shoving them into his back pocket. As he turned around to get something out of the fridge, blond bangs shadowing his face, Ike stared at the rectangular shape in Kenny's back pocket. Or, you know, just Kenny's ass.

"Ike, d'you mind?" Kyle asked, pointing to the stairs from the doorway of the kitchen. Ike glared, picking up his cereal box and leaving, feeling more depressed then he had ever felt.

---

Kyle was lounging on his bed watching Stan talk to Wendy on his phone. The look he got was slightly repulsive when he spoke to her, like he was a love sick puppy or something. His lips curled into this almost involuntary smile and his eyes lit up Kyle's room.

"Yeah, babe. I'll see you tomorrow.... No, you hang up first!"

Ugh. Repulsive.

Kyle discovered that he could manage to successfully fit his entire face into his pillow with extra room. It even helped him lose concentration, something he rarely wanted to do. But now, with Stan fawning over Wendy-the-Life-Ruiner he really wished for some peace and quiet.

"Okay, Wendy. I'm sure you'll look as great as you always do...."

Hmm. Nice material this pillowcase was. Soft.

"Okay, really. I'm gonna hang up now," Stan says, folding one arm under his opposite armpit, about to snap the phone shut when-

"I'm serious! You have to hang up first."

God, could they be any more repulsive? They were so sweet Kyle feared a diabetic meltdown. Maybe if he went to the hospital Stan would ditch Wendy... oh, who was he kidding?

"Yup. See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams to you too."

Snap. Fucking finally. Kyle lifts his face out of the fluffy material and laughs quietly to himself as he brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'pillow-bitter.'

"What's so funny?" Stan asks. He's sitting in Kyle's desk chair now, rolling over to him. His phone is in his lap, buzzing loudly.

Stan doesn't even notice. He's still waiting for Kyle's reply.

"Dude, I think your phone is-"

"Oh, yeah! Thanks, dude."

Kyle sighs dramatically and falls back into his pillow, re-creating the dent in it.

Stan's quiet laughter fills the room. He's texting now, the bastard. He's still talking to her. After half an hour! When he's done he drops his phone back into his pants pocket and rolls back to Kyle's side after his detour to the computer.

"What were you laughing about before?"

"Well, it wasn't because of the charming conversation between you and Wendy," Kyle states matter of factly. He sits back up and leans against his headboard, folding his arms across his chest.

"What's your problem?" Stan's eyebrows crinkle.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Obviously, Kyle, you're not. You look like a pissed of girlfriend and you're starting to sound like one too."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kyle shouts, fisting his comforter.

"Exactly what it sounds like! Are you jealous, Kyle?"

"I'm not jealous, you asshole! I'm pissed that my best friend, the guy who claims to hate Wendy-the-Whore every time she breaks up with him and then professes his love for her every time she crawls back! When did you become such a pussy?"

Kyle's feeling pretty damn proud of himself for sounding so awesome until he sees Stan's hurt expression. He's standing up now and clenching his fists, anger clear in his eyes.

"Don't call her a whore," He says. Kyle could strangle him.

"Do you see what I mean?" Kyle yells, standing up and reaching over to grip Stan's wrist to keep him immobile. "You're only protecting her name because you're with her for the time being! It won't last and when she dumps you you'll rely on me to make you feel better."

Kyle feels bad for saying it like this, but Stan's got to know the truth.

Kyle makes a move to wrap a brotherly arm around Stan's shoulder, meaning he's sorry he was so harsh and he's willing to forgive Stan for being such an idiot when Stan pulls away abruptly and glares, full of hate.

"You're such a prick, Kyle. Why can't you just be happy for me?"

Kyle feels shocked. Not just shocked but confused. Since when did Stan not agree with Kyle? Since when did he so blatantly choose someone else over him?

"What's going on here?"

They both turn, shoulders touching as they do so in the small space. Stan glares once more at Kyle before he turns around to face Kenny who's just gotten back from the bathroom.

"Come on, Kenny. We're leaving."

"What happened? Trouble in paradise?" Kenny's smiling in his goofy way, not realizing the problem here.

Stan says with absolution, "We're _going_, Kenny."

Kenny frowns and with resignation calls out a "see you around, Kyle" before Stan yanks him out of the room.

Kyle stares after them, still feeling exceptionally confused and frustrated. Had Wendy always had this much power over Stan or had Kyle deluded himself into thinking that he was the most important person to Stan? Suddenly he wasn't so sure.

---


End file.
